theatre of kharms

PUSHKIN AND GOGOL

GOGOL: (falls onto the stage from behind the curtains and lies still).

PUSHKIN: (walks out, trips on Gogol and falls): What the devil! 
Could it be Gogol!

GOGOL: (getting up): What a filthy, no-good...! Won't let you 
alone. (Walks, trips on Pushkin and falls.) Could it really be Pushkin I
tripped on!

PUSHKIN: (getting up): Not a moment's peace! (Walks, trips on 
Gogol and falls.) What the Devil! It couldn't be -- Gogol again!

GOGOL: (getting up): Always something going wrong! (Walks, 
trips on Pushkin and falls.) What filthy no-good...! On Pushkin again!

PUSHKIN: (getting up): Foolery! Foolery all over the place! 
(Walks, trips over Gogol and falls.) What the Devil! Gogol again!

GOGOL: (getting up): This is mockery, through and through! 
(Walks, trips on Pushkin and falls.) Pushkin again!

PUSHKIN: (getting up): What the Devil! Truly the Devil! (Walks, 
trips on Gogol and falls.) On Gogol!

GOGOL: (getting up): Filthy good-for-nothings! (Walks, trips over 
Pushkin and falls.) On Pushkin!

PUSHKIN: (getting up): What the Devil! (Walks, trips over Gogol 
and falls behind the curtains.) Gogol!

GOGOL: (getting up): Filthy good-for-nothings! (Walks off stage.)

From off stage the voice of Gogol is heard: 
"Pushkin!"

                                               CURTAIN.

by Daniil Kharms    (transl. by Matvei Yankelevich)

AN UNSUCCESSFUL PLAY

Petrakov-Gorbunov comes out on stage, tries to say something, but hiccups. 
He begins to feel sick. He leaves.

Enter Pritykin.

PRITYKIN: His honour, Petrakov-Gorbunov, asked me to excu… 
(Begins to vomit and runs away.)

Enter Makarov.

MAKAROV: Egor Pritykin… (Makarov vomits. He runs away.)

Enter Serpukhov.

SERPUKHOV: So as not to… (He vomits and runs away.)

Enter Little Girl, running.

LITTLE GIRL: Daddy asked me to tell all of you that the theatre is closing. 
All of us are getting sick!

                                            CURTAIN.